just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
