I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
