I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
