ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
