I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
