i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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