I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
