So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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