Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
