I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
