Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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