the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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