there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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