Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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