my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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