well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
