How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
