I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
