can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
