I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
