It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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