nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
