You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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