i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Randomize
