just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
