maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
