Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
