she looked like the before picture.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Randomize
