i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
