At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Who died my cat blue again?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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