dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
