My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
