How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
