White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
