You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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