whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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