i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
it's like iHOP with fire
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
