I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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