I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
