I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
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I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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