I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
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She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
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I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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