sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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