hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
