But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Come see our sink grown plant.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
