ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
