More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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