So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
