He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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