So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
