you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
