Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
