I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
