You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
