Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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