I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
