I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
