what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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