New invention idea: vibrating tampons
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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