That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
