New invention idea: vibrating tampons
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Are we still banned from the library?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
