Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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