I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
sex in a hospital.. check
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
