Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
