I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
