8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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