You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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