dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
