Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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