I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
