I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
