It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
