You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
