So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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