Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
